Awake a three shot
by Jena Rink
Summary: When he saw her in that window, laughing, he thought he'd lost his chance. But reading her journal proved a different story season three Jommy
1. Chapter 1

Awake  
A three shot  
by jena rink  
I dont own instant star or the song awake.  
Let me know what you think...  
jena 

I saw her in the window of a coffee shop 7 months after I initially left her without a word. Her hair was brown now, and she was grinning uncontrollably, glancing down at a faded red notebook I knew all to well. The glass was frosted from the cold, and when Spied sat next to her in the booth, she flung her arms around him, holding his embrace for almost a minute.

She said something, and he laughed softly, handing her a small wrapped gift. She smiled to herself, opening the box quickly, her eyes wide. It was almost Christmas, she was almost 18, and he'd been planning the right way to tell her he was coming back to Gmajor. And he couldn't come up with anything.

Sadie and Kwest came in the doorway minutes later, laughing and holding hands, and were joined by Jamie, Patsy, the rest of SME, and Mason, all cramming into the small booth, chattering animatedly as they received their drinks.

And I was transfixed. The moment Speid had come in, she'd stashed the journal next to her on the seat, closed neatly and sitting there, mocking me. I wanted to know what was in it. More than anything. It secrets haunted me until I could barely feel my fingers, standing out in the cold and watching her. And she never noticed her eyes on me. Not once.

I couldn't help wondering if now that I had finally been able to come back it wasn't our time any more. As much as I loved her, as much as I wanted her. She was happy. And that was more than I ever wanted for her. More than anything. I barely noticed when she got up, everyone leaving, and found myself walking in the shop as it was about to close, sitting in the booth they had been in previously, asking for a cup of coffee and stuffing my hands in my pockets. 

When I glanced across to the window, a small red journal stuck out, and my eyes widened. And despite my better judgment, that she was going to be angry at seeing me anyways, that it wasn't a good idea...my heart took over, and I picked it up, hiding it in my jacket, paying for my coffee and making my way down the busy Toronto streets to my hotel, intent on reading what exactly she had penned in the last few months, even if it kept me up all night.

So? You like, you don't like?  
Awake is a song by Dashboard Confessional, so I don't own it.  
It'll come into play later.  
Just let me know!  
Jena


	2. Chapter 2

Awake-

Next Part-

Jena rink

I don't own. Don't sue.

Okay, here's part two-

love you guys, read and review!  
Jena

"This is Kwest..." Kwest said softly, seated on the couch in an unfarmilliar living room, Sadie sprawled across his lap, staring up at him.

"Don't say anything..."I warned, knowing who he was with, and he tensed.

"Sades I gotta take this...okay?" he leant down and kissed her forehead, and I winced, waiting until he was outside to talk.

"What the hell are you playing at, finally calling?" he burst out,"Where have you been, T?"

"Can you just listen for a minute?" I asked, exhasperated.

"Why?" he questioned.

"Look...I know Jude moved...what's the address?"I asked simply, and he frowned.

"Give me one good reason why I should let you back into her life? She finally put herself back together man, she's happy..."

"So you're telling me that if I look in this journal I found I'm going to find songs about rainbows and sunshine, Kwest?"I asked him simply, and he paused.

"You stole her journal?" he asked, not even believing it himself.

"I found it..."I said defensively,"She left it at the coffee shop...I saw all of you..and I just..."

"Stole it..."Kwest supplied, and paused. "Are you leaving again?" he asked suddenly, and I bit my lip.

"No...I'm closing on an apartment tomorrow and I start back at Gmajor after Christmas..."I supplied, and he paused for a moment.

"If you break her again, I'm going to visibly rip you limb from limb...T..."he said seriously, and I made a noise of a approval, still staring at the journal.

"Okay..." As I wrote down her address, I wondererd if I shouldn't just drop it off. Because Kwest was right. She was happy. She was happy without me. It was late, and I was exhausted, a cup of coffee being the only thing keeping me awake. Staring at the lyrics that she'd written. Most recently, dated only a few days ago, the page smudged with ink. And it only took me a second to realize that I had to call her. That I had to see her, something. Anything to get the closure we both needed. Anything to fix the rift that had been created when I walked out on her.

Awake  
Through the years it takes to see you  
Till I almost lose my mind  
Cuz I'll never be alright  
And I'm sorry you had to see this  
But I'm such a mess  
And I never could forget  
I'm scared and miss the way we used to talk  
And if it's all forever lost  
I wanna know  
I'm scared that you're the one that got away  
And I want you here with me tonight  
You'll never come

I was so infuriated right now I could barely even see straight. I'd searched my car over three times before giving up, stomping up to my room, and slamming the door behind me, falling with a plop onto my bed. I wasn't sure if I liked this new change of address yet. 

Sadie and I had purchased it months ago, when dad couldn't make the housing payments anymore, and I'd sold the rehearsal space. It was nice, near Gmajor, and had a sort of ambiance that I couldn't describe. When I heard Sadie knock on the door, I groaned, rolling over to face her as my cell phone rang. 

"Welcome to hell, can I take a message?" I asked, annoyed, and Speid laughed softly.

"What's wrong?"he asked me honestly, and I glanced at Sadie.

"You didn't see my journal did you? At the coffee shop?" I asked him, and her obviously.

"No...you didn't have it out..."Speid said, and I sighed.

That stupid journal held every single feeling I wouldn't let anyone see in it. And the last thing I wanted was for someone to come along and open it, spilling it's emotions for all the world to see. I'd have to go back in the morning. But the thing was, I'd already called the stupid coffee shop, being that I was a regular. And they told me about the person that sat in the booth after me. Dark hair, blue eyes, brooding. Already too much like Quincy, but not enough. Just enough to keep me wondering. Wondering if I should call his phone and get my call ignored again.

"Jude...hello?" Speid asked, and I jumped.

"Sorry...I was just thinking..."I apologized,"I'll see you at the studio tomorrow, okay?" he made a noise of agreement, and I sighed.

"I love you, Speid...you know that, right?"I said suddenly.

"I know...I love you too..."he responded softly,"See you in the morning.."he hung up, and I was forced to face my sister.

"So your journal?"she questioned, sitting on the bed across from me, and I nodded.

"I feel lost without it...it's got all these feelings that I..."I paused, staring down at my phone as it started to vibrate, playing a tune I had reserved for only one person.

"Um...I...should take this Sadie..."I said softly, and braced myself, answering the phone.

"What do you want?" I asked quietly, fighting to keep the tremor out of my voice.

"To talk..."was his simple response.

"So talk...I've got a lot of other things on my mind right now..."I said honestly, pinching the bridge of my nose.

"I found your journal..."he said simply, and I laughed quietly. This was more than ironic.

"Drop it off at Gmajor...I don't want to see you..." I told him, my hand shaking. Sadie put a hand over mine, quelling it, and stared at me, confused.

"Jude...we need to talk..."he started again, and I glanced up at the ceiling.

"I've got this great life now...you know? It doesn't involve you. It can't involve you...because for some reason every time I let you in something starts to unravel and then everything falls apart..."I told him,"I don't want you to mess this up...I can't...have you mess this up for me..."

"I'm coming back to Gmajor..."I swallowed thickly.

"Kwest has been my producer for the last few months...I'm sure Darius wont mind me keeping him..."I responded, trying to convince not only him, but me that everything would be alright again.

The pebble on my window startled me, and I glanced out at the street, seeing him standing there, shrugging, leaning against yet another expensive car he had in storage.

"Did Kwest give you this address?"I bit out, and Sadie glanced out the window over my shoulder, her eyes wide.

"Just talk to me..."he begged, almost pleaded, and I saw the longing in his eyes. Something I'd always wanted him to have towards me. Only this time, it didn't feel as sweet.

"You only want what you can't have, Quincy...so what's it gonna be like when I open myself up to you again? Are you going to hop in another car and ride off never to be heard from again?" I asked him, leaning against the glass, trying to get the cool glass to calm my frazzled nerves.

"I'll stand here all night...I'll sit on your porch..."he said, and I shrugged.

"Good for you Tommy...because I'm going to sleep...I have a meeting in the morning..."I hung up, and closed the shutters, convinced he would drive back to the hotel and leave me alone.

"Are you okay?" Sadie asked me, and I nodded. "I'll be okay..."I assured her, laying back on the bed, suprised when he laid next to me.

"I'm here for you...okay?" she told me softly, and I nodded, letting her rest her head on my shoulder.

"Okay..."I breathed, switching off the light and trying desperately to sleep.


End file.
